Horror Nights 2020: Week One - Tales From the Video Store

 

Horror Night 2020: Week 1 - Tales From the Video Store

The scene opens on a small child wandering into the small-town video store. Barely 4 feet tall, the boy is transfixed by the sights, sounds, and smells of the establishment. The bright buzzing lights, the TV behind the counter blaring whatever movie the clerk happened to be watching, and the smell of cheap carpeting and wall to wall plastic and yellowing chipboard. Hundreds of options lay before the boy, and he knew he never wanted to leave.

 

Okay, this may be a bit of hyperbole, but it’s not far off. Going to the video store was and is for me, the closest thing I get to going to church. I believe it was Marcel Proust who said that video stores are the churches of the enlightened and the dreamers. Maybe it was a fortune cookie. Anyway, I love video stores. I love the idea of going out to the video store with the anticipation of finding the movie you want to see, only to end up having your hopes dashed because someone got there First. But everything works out because you still found something you wanted to see just as much. Maybe something you wanted to see even more than the first tile. I like the convenience of streaming, but it doesn't really compare to going to the video store. 

 

 Tonight's themes is an ode to oft derided, but great fun of trash cinema. I'm not talking about your average bad movies. Studios pump out trash all the time, just look at the careers of Michael Bay or Mel Gibson. I'm not talking about movies like “Transformers” or “Sliver Linings Playbook”. I'm talking about movies like “Switchblade Sisters” or “Society”. Movies that could be deemed “bad” by standards like low budgets, actors straight off the bus, or terrible dialogue, however they still manage to have an undeniable charm. These are the movies you would find squeezed in between the unrented copies of “Braveheart” and “City Slickers 2: The Legend of Curly's Gold”. In true video store fashion, we went to our local video store, Liberty Hall Video and browsed their collection until we found two such films that fit all the criteria. Tonight's films are two movies I remember seeing on the shelves way back when, but have never seen – The Beast Within (1982) and Night of the Creeps (1986). I am very excited to watch these, because 2020 is enough of a horror movie, so I could use some fun. Our menu tonight is inspired by the video stores of my home town that shaped me into the film dork that I am and the idea of a night spent watching trashy films and the trashy food fueling my all night binges.
For our cocktail we have the Take Two VCR, a vanilla infused rum and coke garnished with a homemade brandied cherry. 

Our appetizer is the Thumbs Up Wings AKA homemade grilled buffalo wings. 

 

For our main dish we have the Bogarts Express, home made pizza rolls filled with pepperoni, ham, mozzarella cheese and spices. 

 

 

 

Finally for dessert we have the 81 Special, homemade recreations of Whatchamacallit candy bars, made with a chocolate ganache.

 

 

Streaming is all about algorithms and a service trying to sell you on something they think you'll watch based on what you've already watched. These services tend to hide things from you that it thinks are outside your taste. The problem being that humans aren't computers, and while it may get there eventually, algorithms can't predict taste. I may love the films of prestige filmmakers like Preston Sturges, Ingmar Bergman, David Lean, Robert Altman, and Paul Thomas Anderson, but I also love the trash cinema of Larry Cohen, John Waters, Takashi Miike, Gregg Araki, and Melvin Van Peebles. Try as Netflix Et Al. might, they won't match the joy of stumbling upon “Pink Flamingos” or “The Stuff” on a video shelf. Screaming out above the generic big budget dreck to be watched. Don't get me wrong, a lot of trash cinema is just that, trash. But there is something unique and fascinating about a movie that is either purposefully trashy to make a statement (see John Waters), or was just too low budget or ineptly made to be successful (see Larry Cohen). Say what you will about low budget misfires, but I've had more thoughtful and fun conversations discussing movies like “Basket Case” and “Death Bed: The Bed That Eats People” (I assure you it is a real movie) than I have about the average Marvel movie or prestige drama.

Growing up, we didn’t have a VCR until I was around 8 or 9. So it was a big deal when my parents would take us to the local video store to rent a VCR and pick out some movies for the weekend. Stepping foot into that tiny building bursting with the latest releases, old favorites and weird obscurities waiting to be found. While I usually opted for the stand byes to watch over and over again (your Transformers: The Movie or Adventures in Babysitting types or what have you), I still loved to pour over the covers and entertain the idea that I might take a chance. Would I finally give in to morbid curiosity and watch The Garbage Pail Kids Movie (I have not seen it to this day), or perhaps I would try something in outcast under dogs who ultimately triumph genre (your “Police Academies”, “Breakin’”, “Real Genius”, or the George Lopez/ Leslie Jordan masterpiece “Ski Patrol”)? Of course I was competing with seven other kids, so I didn't always get my choice. C'est la vie.

The genre-fication of video stores is both a blessing and a curse. It gives some much-needed organization to the extensive catalog, and it tells you exactly where to head. Want to watch an old film? Head to the Classics. Need a laugh? Comedy is the section for you. However, it also tells inquisitive and knowledge seeking kids (such as myself) where the explicit material is. I can recall seeing the section labeled Horror and being completely enthralled. I didn’t know what the word Horror meant, but I knew what Horror movies were. Those were the movies my elder siblings watched that I wasn’t allowed to watch. Well, unless my parents weren’t home, in which case it was anything goes. Those were the movies with all the blood and seemingly innocent teens being butchered. The movies about monsters, demons, and all the things that lurk in the realm of nightmares. Those were the movies I craved.

My parents didn’t want me looking at the Horror section, as they were afraid I would get nightmares just from looking at the cases. And you know what, fair is fair. I’ll give them this win. They were right. I have a very overactive imagination, and just the sight of covers with titles like “Hellraiser”, “Nightbreed”, or “Bull Durham” and ghouls like Pinhead, Freddy Krueger, and Kevin Costner leering out at me was enough to keep me up at night. But even though the covers scared me, the more I looked at them, the more I desperately wanted to see them. The good thing was the Horror section was right next to the Comedy section. I could pretend like I was looking at the lame comedies of the time like “Soul Man” or whatever Dan Akroyd movie was on the shelf, when I was really looking at “Carrie”, “Friday the 13th” or “Slumber Party Massacre II”. Since my parents wouldn't rent them and I didn't dare touch the boxes to find out what they were about, I instead made up stories in my head about what they could possibly be about. Which was almost better than the real thing in some cases. While nothing I came up with could prepare me for the supremely weird and bat shit crazy “Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II”, I think my imagined idea for “Tales From the Darkside” is immensely more interesting than the actual film.

The ones that particularly drew my interest, had some of the trashiest looking covers with vague titles. Either because they were exceedingly generic sounding like “The Ice Cream Man”, or because they just didn't give you a hint as to what the movie could be like “Black Roses”. All the same, trash movies have an allure that I can't quite explain. They are almost always exceedingly gross in either gore or sexploitation, with over the top performances, and so poorly made they make your average episode of whatever Boomer-nip crime drama on CBS in its 11^th season about poking dead bodies where nothing ever remotely interesting happens look like an episode of Masterpiece Theater. However all those elements come together to make something better than the whole.

These films offer a viewing experience that you can't get out of your average multiplex experience. Movies are an art form, and what is the point of art, if not to challenge your perception? To make you pause and reexamine previous presumptions. To give you a new point of view or experience you aren't used to to. After one viewing of “Slumber Party Massacre”, I was thinking about the clear feminist heart of the piece, the sly meta-textual humor at war with the producers intent, and the role of so many male driven slasher movies and their effect or lack thereof on my development as a feminist ally. After one viewing of “The Joker” my only thoughts were that I wanted three hours of my life back and that Joaquin Phoenix is a terrible actor. Then again after, after watching “Maniac Cop” my main thoughts were centered around Robert Z'Dar's magnificent, enormous chin and that said chin was a better actor than Joaquin Phoenix.

I suppose in the end, much like studio produced movies, you have to be willing to put in the time and effort to find the gold. You are gonna have to sit through the likes of “Dolly Dearest”, “Ginger Dead Man”, or “Killer Nerd” so that you can experience the sublime joy of “The Happiness of the Katakuris”, the queer rage of “The Living End”, the melodrama majesty of “Polyester” or the release of familial holiday anger of “Blood Rage”. Happy Dumpster Diving.